Remembering Names

"Oh I'm awful at names, but I'm great with faces."

 How many times have you heard or said this? Most of us do. We are all awful at remembering each other's names, and yet, it seems like that shouldn't be the case.

Why are we so bad at remembering names? And once you know someone for a while, you learn people's names pretty easily. So why is it so tough for so many of us to keep hold of this vital piece of information?

Over the past couple years, especially while in EMT and Paramedic school, I've made it my goal to learn every person's first name, and without exception, I am the first person to learn everyone's name in a new group of people. I'm not special. I literally just try a bit harder. Herein are my strategies for success.

But first, here's why you should be focusing on people's first names.

First off, remembering a person's first name helps them remember you. You instantly stand out of the crowd because as we established earlier, very few people are good with names. "Oh hey John, good to see you again," is so much more memorable than a greeting without using the person's first name.

Second, it ingratiates you with people. When you use people's first names, they see it as a sign of respect, and you very easily gain their favor. I'm not advocating for manipulating people here, but using a first name is a great way to help make friends.

And lastly, it's good manners. Seriously, we've all gotten so used to being okay with people forgetting our name, that perhaps we've also forgotten that common courtesy and good manners are things we like to give to every person we meet.

 

Here's what you need to do. Here's my foolproof plan to remembering more names faster. Ready?

#1 Ask people their name

It seems obvious, and it should be. But once they've given you their name, treat that name like a precious gem you don't want to drop. Keep checking you still have it, and maintain your hold on it like it matters. Because it does. People attach a lot of their identity to their names, first and last. But conversationally, the first name is far more important.

Sometimes, when we meet people, it's extremely casual, in a setting where we are working or hanging out tangentially to each other, and formal introductions never get made. So it may be up to you to offer your name, and ask for one in return.

#2 Use the name

A lot of times we don't even use the name of the person we're talking to, so of course we're not going to remember it! Reusing the name a few times in conversation will lubricate that neural pathway and ingrain it more deeply in your memory.

The first time you speak to the person whose name you wish to remember, use their name right away if possible. Something like, "Hey Sharon, nice to meet you," is good enough. Use it a few times during the conversation if possible as well.

#3 Associate the name

One of the greatest memory tricks of all time is to associate something you wish to remember with something you can already easily remember at will. It doesn't even have to make total sense, it just has to be kinda sorta connected. For instance, if the person you're speaking to is named Fred, my stream of consciousness connection might be something like, "Fred rhymes with bread, and a baker's dozen is 13. 13 the floor we're on right now." Your own association doesn't need to be multiple steps. Just tying the name to something that already resides in your brain will work.

 

#4 Write it down

If you're going somewhere you know you'll be meeting a lot of people, write down their names. That way you can look back and try to remember what the person looked like later. You can even write down a description of what the person looked like to help you, or draw a picture if that's your thing.

Don't let the person see - it gets weird.

On the first day of class, we always go around the room and introduce ourselves. I have a habit of writing down each person's name and other details. I write the information out in a diagram to match where everyone sits. That way in future classes I can look around the room and connect people's names with their faces.

 Writing with pen or pencil on paper is far more effective that recording it on your phone. When you write it out, you're using audio (hearing the name) sight (seeing the name on paper) and muscle (feeling yourself write it out) to reinforce the name in your memory.

 

#5 Repetition

After you meet a person, repeat the name over and over to yourself. This is especially true if you only met the person briefly, but you know you need to rememer their name. Saying the name over and over can help work it in to your memory, but this is usually less effective than the other methods on the list.

Another way to use this is the following: When meeting a large group of people, after each person says their name, add their name to the running list you keep repeating over and over. John.

John, May.

John, May, Phil.

John, May, Phil, Alice.

This kind of repetition is really only effective in the short term, but it gives you the time to commit the names to memory using other means.

#6 Ask again.

If all else fails, be an adult. We established early on that there are very few people who are actually good at names. So get comfortable with asking for a name a second or even third time. Sometimes when making first introductions, I will even add, "And please don't be offended if I ask for your name again. I have trouble remembering names." Invariably, the person you are speaking to will concur, stating they too have trouble remembering names.

Some other ways to ask for a name again:

• I'm so sorry, I've forgotten your first name. Would you remind me?
• Hey I'm sorry, I forgot your name...
• Hi! What's your name again, I'm so sorry."

When asking for a name a second time, here are some general rules:

• Don't guess. Much better to admit you forgot than to start playing guessing games with someone's identity. ("I know it starts with an H... Hillary? No, Hanna! Still no?")
• Apologize. Remember that people's names are tightly tied to their identity. They deserve to be remembered.
• Be direct. You are trying your best to remember the person's name. If you act like an adult, they are likely to reciprocate and be an adult about it too.
• Be bashful. In situations like this, people would rather you feel bad initially than be completely unashamed about the fact you forgot their name. But on the other hand...
• Don't put yourself down. Nearly everyone has trouble remembering names. So you're very far from alone, you're just admitting it and doing something about it.

In conclusion

Remembering names of the people you meet can really make a big impact on them, and help to form a positive impression in their minds early on. It can help people remember and like you from the get-go, when your image is most susceptible to damage. People will be more likely to smile when they see you if you call them by name. Additionally, people's brains are fine-tuned to hearing their own name among a cacophany of voices, and so you can get their attention easier by calling their name.

But most importantly, far more important than any self-serving reason, it's the right thing to do. When someone gives you their name, the polite thing to do is to use it! So to remember a person's name is to show them respect and honor.

Be good to each other.