Spiraling...

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I'm learning things. While I don't have control over how I will feel when I wake up, that's not necessarily indicative of how I'll feel 10 minutes later.

Today I woke up in a pretty good mood, which was a nice fresh start. This is especially considering how bad I was feeling yesterday. About halfway through making breakfast however, and I don't remember at what point it switched, but I felt awful again. What's the point? That's the thought that permeates my essence at this point, and it's the question that amplifies my existence.

I have never experienced a low like this. This is a lethargic experience. I'm so down in myself. I have no intention of self-harm obviously, but I don't have any intention of self-help either.

One upside to today's proceedings (There will be more, I'm sure - it's only 7:44 AM, but I felt it necessary to write it up) - I told Anna how I was feeling. I think now she's trying to help me, to cure me. It's nice to have someone care, but at the same time, I don't think she'll be able to help.

Her big suggestion today was to not watch TV. How the hell else am I supposed to occupy my time? I don't have the drive to produce anything, and I don't even care. 

She also suggested I go shopping for the produce I'll need for my big juice fast coming up. I don't know. I'm starting to rethink this whole plan. 

Seems like a really terrible idea.

Why must I put myself through that kind of pain? No coffee, no solid food... I'm going to be starving hungry for a bit of beef, and I'm going to be miserable with a headache for 3 days straight. It's going to be awful. After day 3 I expect it will get better, but is it worth it? From where I'm sitting, it probably isn't, just because I don't care.

So to recap, life sucks right now.
But on the upside, now my wife knows it too. Goody gum drops.

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